I think September is one of the most difficult times for teachers. The shininess of a new school year starts to fade. Hopes for change fizzle. Kids start to show their true colors, so you start to see issues for the first time. September is the month I feel myself go from Positive Polly to Negative Nancy...and I hate myself for it.
I sat in a meeting today and cried. No joke. Just a normal professional development meeting and cried. Now, if you come back here often to read what's happening in my little corner of the world, you will realize I am emotional and cry often. Even at things most people don't. Like Fox and the Hound. I watched 30 minutes of it when I was 7 years old and cried hysterically. To this day, I still can't make it through Fox and the Hound, Bambi, and Ice Age. Don't judge me...well, okay, but just a bit.
I cried today because I could actually feel a weight coming down on my shoulders. I could feel myself morphing from Positive Polly, with all of her "Do what's best for kids!" and "That's not asking too much!" to Negative Nancy, and all of her "You've got to be kidding me!" and "Why are we all being punished?" At that very moment, I felt like a failure and it was making me become Negative Nancy.
And what did I do? What any good middle schooler does - I blamed everybody else. At the time, it was everybody's fault, but my own, that our school scores are low. It was because other teachers don't do enough to help our kids. It was because everyone else doesn't spend time building relationships with kids.
All day, I kept thinking about why it was everybody's fault, except mine, until I had my second cup of Kona Ice for the night. Again, if you're going to judge, just judge a little. Kona Ice is like a miracle drug and helps you see things clearly - I promise. Anyway, I realized that by becoming Negative Nancy and complaining about things over which I have no control, I had just become part of the problem. Positive Pollys are needed at times to say, "Hey, this does suck, but how do we make it better? What can we do to make it work? How can I help?"
My personal challenge for the rest of the quarter is to say good-bye to Negative Nancy, to keep being Positive Polly for as long as I can hold out. And if that means I need Kona Ice daily, than so be it.
Love and Sparkle,
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